Thursday, June 7, 2012

Chinese Mixup

Good day my dedicated fans,

I like blogging I think. It is nice to share and vent my daily woes to the people who care about me. I really need to vent today. It seems I just keep running into bad luck and serious miscommunications with people.

For instance, I was going to see a showing of one of my oldest and favorite movies last night. I figured I should treat myself to some Dim Sum because it was a special day. They are after all my favorite. Considering I live above the Chinese restaurant, you would think they know me or even know my order by now. But its okay I am sure they're just busy (still it would have been nice to be recognized as the almost famous actor living above them). Anyway, so I placed my order and read the newspaper as I waited hungrily for my food. But when it came out, it was not my Dim Sum, but a fish! Obviously it was not what I ordered so I kindly asked for them to take it back and give me what I ordered. Since they are Chinese and all and don't really speak English, he didn't really understand me. I studied Chinese a little bit just because I was curious about the language. I was actually pretty good. So I decided to brush up on Chinese and tell the waiter in Chinese that I want my Dim Sum. Well, I don't really know what happened after that because he started freaking out and screaming chants in Chinese. I skipped the chant chapter so I wasn't sure exactly what he was saying. Then it seemed all the waiters were screaming at me. So I started apologizing in Chinese but that made things worse. I am not quite sure, but I think they were screaming hell but I am sure I mistook it for love. Surely I did nothing wrong.

So basically that incident ended with me sitting outside, covered in what tasted like sweet and sour. I decided I am going to give them some time to cool off before I try and go back. I hope they didn't ban me, I really like Dim Sum. Hope you all have better luck the next time you order Chinese than I did.

Jolly Day!

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Utter Tragedy

My fellow fans,

I have some terrible news. My dearest Humphrey has passed away. Oh how devastated I am. He was so young... I think.

What happened was this. Everything went fine this morning. I cooked his tuna (each slice has to be exactly 2 inches thick or he has a fit) and we enjoyed our breakfast like always. My neighbor the previous morning had asked if I could watch her pet dog Roxy while she went to visit her sister. Of course I was not going to turn down the request. It seems as though Humphrey should have a friend. What a perfect match I thought, right next door, they get to play their little animal hearts away. So Roxy came over, and Humphrey was skeptical at first. He kept throwing fits but then just started making a very loud noise which I thought was good progress. Next thing I know I find Humphrey swatting at Roxy and I was relieved that they became friends. So I went to go start my writing. An hour had passed when I finally decided to check on them. They were so quiet, must've been playing so nicely I just didn't want to disturb. But when I went to the living room, Humphrey was torn to shreds! The horror! That devil dog Roxy killed my precious feline! Humphrey tried so hard to be friends too. You can never trust a dog. Roxy will definitely be hearing from my attorney. I don't think I could ever replace dear old Humphrey.

I appreciate all of your concern and sympathy. If you are sending flowers I live above the Chinese restaurant, not in it. If you are sending food just note that I am allergic to beets.

Not So Jolly Day.

My Pet Adventure

Good Day my People!

What a fine morning. Here I sit in my nice apartment with a steamy cup of tea. Yes I did spill the first pot down my front and received second degree burns, but that is only a minor setback to a great morning. Why might you ask am I in such a chipper mood? Well I am no longer lonely! No it is not a girlfriend, but better. A cat! Who would have thought I would have fell in love with this precious feline companion I now call Humphrey? It is marvelous to have another being around. I get to talk to him as much I want with no complications. Well no major complications. You see I found him in a shelter and I feel as though he has had some troubles in the past. If I move my arm to fast it has a tendency to scratch and hiss. And I don't think it likes when I go to the bathroom because it seems to have a fit when the toilet flushes. But no matter. I love him anyway. He is just so loving and full of life. I even posted a picture!

Ut Oh. Humphrey is hungry. Better go feed him (only sliced tuna slices, kibbles make him gasy and moody).

Jolly Day!

Mr. Misunderstood

Hello my fellow peers,

I don't know if you caught on to my witty take of this title, but yes I am feeling a little down today. It seems as if things with Leeza Saavedra have turned for the worst. I just got a letter today stating I have to go to court. Who in their right mind would ever think me, nice and good looking Larry, would ever stalk someone. I am sorry I am a man who knows what he wants. Like I said before, I wasn't stalking, just insisting she didn't ignore me. Wouldn't you have done the same? I would think or even hope so. I feel as if no one understands the true person I am. Homeless people sleep on streets and sidewalks all the time, so why was I singled out? Sure it happened to be in front of Leeza's place, but she has no proof I was stalking. People these days. Please don't flatter yourself Ms. Leeza.

I wish people, especially Leeza, could recognize my amazing talents. My acting is superb. It astounds me that not one director thinks I am as good or even better than say, Mel Gibson. What has film come to. Mel is just one huge phony (sorry Mel I didn't mean to offend). But I am just saying that I show so much more passion. When you play a character, BE the character. I find it odd that I am the only person who realizes this. That is what makes film great. People get with the program. I try so hard to get this through people's heads, but what ends up happening is me getting thrown off sets. How rude to throw out a fellow film minion who is a respected actor in the movie Movie Maniacs. I am here to help people. No I am not causing a riot. I have a shouting problem, plus you weren't listening Mr. Director. I hope next time they think twice.

Maybe a nice tea will calm my mood. Hope everyone else is having a better day then mine, it shouldn't be too hard.

Jolly Day!

The Beginning

Yes, my fellow admirers, I have created a blog. I figured this was the best way for you all to see a glimpse of my deepest thoughts and actions right from the source. I know I have said many hateful things towards the internet, but I must say it's not too bad. This spiffy thing called Google is a real gem.

I am sure you all have been trying to reach me, and I am so sorry that I didn't get any of your fan mail for my role in Movie Maniacs: Three Moviegoers in Manhattan. I have posted many complaints to the post office that they lost them all, but they keep insisting I had no fan mail. Not to worry.

So here I am, sitting in my favorite spot in the park writing to all of you loyal fans. I must say that I have had quite a good day. I saw two very good short  films, minus the fact that I got thrown out during the second one. It shocks me to think that a theater can't appreciate when someone becomes moved by a film. So what if I decided to throw my popcorn in outrage when I found out Lucy was cheating on Billy the whole time? I am sure the theater staff wouldn't care about picking it up. It is after all just popcorn. They said I was lucky getting off with just a warning since I am such a loyal costumer, but I think otherwise. If it was up to me I wouldn't have been thrown out in the first place. Oh well, I find myself lucky that I have such a carefree attitude about life. Otherwise I would have gone mad a long time ago.

Well, I am off to lunch. I have a nice day planned out full of exciting things. I am almost done another article on Gopher so make sure you check it out. Its a real good one. There is a new foreign film playing tonight, you should all go see it. A real classic. I might even treat myself to some Dim Sum tonight....

Jolly Day!