My fellow fans,
I have some terrible news. My dearest Humphrey has passed away. Oh how devastated I am. He was so young... I think.
What happened was this. Everything went fine this morning. I cooked his tuna (each slice has to be exactly 2 inches thick or he has a fit) and we enjoyed our breakfast like always. My neighbor the previous morning had asked if I could watch her pet dog Roxy while she went to visit her sister. Of course I was not going to turn down the request. It seems as though Humphrey should have a friend. What a perfect match I thought, right next door, they get to play their little animal hearts away. So Roxy came over, and Humphrey was skeptical at first. He kept throwing fits but then just started making a very loud noise which I thought was good progress. Next thing I know I find Humphrey swatting at Roxy and I was relieved that they became friends. So I went to go start my writing. An hour had passed when I finally decided to check on them. They were so quiet, must've been playing so nicely I just didn't want to disturb. But when I went to the living room, Humphrey was torn to shreds! The horror! That devil dog Roxy killed my precious feline! Humphrey tried so hard to be friends too. You can never trust a dog. Roxy will definitely be hearing from my attorney. I don't think I could ever replace dear old Humphrey.
I appreciate all of your concern and sympathy. If you are sending flowers I live above the Chinese restaurant, not in it. If you are sending food just note that I am allergic to beets.
Not So Jolly Day.